some douche just came into my store, and asked me which headphones were good for running. i pointed out about 4 pairs that looped over the ear and said “these loop behind the ear and are advertised as good for running” and he said “oh. great. so these are good for running?” me: “yup” him: “ok, so if i buy these and they fall out when i’m running i can bring these back?” me: “no. absolutely not. i doesn’t work like that.” him: “well that just sounds ridiculous to me” me: “if you want to return these after you them and the only problem with them is that they fall out when you run, then i can’t take them back” him: “but you said these were good for running” me: “i’m telling you right now, those are made for running. but i’m also telling you that if you buy those and want to return them cause the fall out when you run, i will not accept that return” him: “well that doesn’t sound right, but okay”
Blake:Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only. Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Levene?
Blake:You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?
Moss:I don't have to listen to this shit.
Blake:You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting tonight. Starting with tonights sit. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this months sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them! You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!
Levene:The leads are weak.
Blake:'The leads are weak.' Fucking leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years.
Moss:What's your name?
Blake:FUCK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove a eighty thousand dollar BMW. That's my name!! And your name is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't close them. And you go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you fucking faggots?
Blake:A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing! Always be closing!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's fuck or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the prospects comin' in; you think they came in to get out of the rain? Guy doesn't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy. Sitting out there waiting to give you their money! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? What's the problem pal? You. Moss.
Moss:You're such a hero, you're so rich. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?
Blake:You see this watch? You see this watch?
Blake:That watch cost more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you -- go home and play with your kids!! You wanna work here? Close!! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, make myself fifteen thousand dollars! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A-I-D-A!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to sell real estate?
Blake:It takes brass balls to sell real estate. (holding two brass balls on string, over the appropriate "area")
i used to post a lot of “bulletins” with “surveys” in them with silly shit that made me laugh and (i guess) in turn made some other people laugh. i am so bored right now and i saw one of those old school style surveys…
i’m gonna do it. her goes…
A - Available: no way jose B - Best Friend(s): @thealiplante, otis plante-maxwell, jesus christ. D - Dad’s Name: grant c. E - Easiest Person To Talk To: anyone on the subway F - Favorite Food: anything by chef boyardee… the man is an artist. G - Gummy Bears Or Worms: totally worms. way more satisfying, though in my old age they hurt my teeth like whoa. H - Hometown: i am a citizen of new jersey and all of it’s municipalities above exit 123 on the parkway. I - Instrument: farfisa J - Job: fulltime salesman for private investigating firm, part time model. K - Kids: i *try* to stay away from them… L - Longest Car Ride: 14 hours from lawrence to harrisburg… with tom. M - Milk Flavor: milk has flavors? N - Number Of Brothers/Sisters: well, i mean one brother on paper, but i have some black friends too… do they count? O - One Wish: for unlimited wishes, duh! P - Phobias: that @thealiplante’s irrational phobias will start to reside in my head too Q - Favorite Quote: “its a… jellyfish” R - Reason To Smile: stop smiling, you creep. S - Song You Last Heard: “do i really have to pee in a girl’s mouth to make babies?” - rainn wilson on tim & eric… stuck in my head all day. no lie. terribley creepy. T - Time You Woke Up: 6:03 AM EST U - Unknown Fact About Me: i, in fact, have two fully grown legs to walk with. V - Vegetable: sweet yellow corn from nj, betch. W - Worst Habits: picking my nose… AND EATING IT!!!! BAHAHAHAHAH!! loling. X - X-Rays You’ve Had: hematoma on my shin. 10th grade. uber-painfull Y - Your Favorite Pastime: “working” Z - Zodiac Sign: cancer